He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
