I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
