I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
