After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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