Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
