capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize