I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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