There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
did you just send me my own nude
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
