she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
