i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
