Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm at about main and main street
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
