If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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