Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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