God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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