I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
