Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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