I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
