Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
