She's JV to your varsity
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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