why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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