Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
