I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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