i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
