I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
