"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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