He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
