Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
