apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
