Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
