She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize