His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
