i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
