Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
