i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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