he shaved USA in his pubs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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