The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
