wanna go halves on a baby?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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