true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize