Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
