Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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