Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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