You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
