I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
