Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
