I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im holly from the hills drunk
So many bounce houses so little time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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