i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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