Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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