the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
