Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
