what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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