I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
