Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
