Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
