Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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