i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
