ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
