Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
