My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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