Moan for me like Helen Keller
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
