I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize