I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
