Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
