I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
