In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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