Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
