You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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