3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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