I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
