Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize