I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
