"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's get the cat blown out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
