you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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