Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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