At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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