So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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