they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
