Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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