I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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