none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
