I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
